Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
