My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize