Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
