well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I just gift wrapped bread.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
