I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
