judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
