My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
A bitchslap is in order.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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