I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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