god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
