I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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