I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
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