I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
