He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Randomize
