oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
