You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
