Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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