Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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