i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
