Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
