doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
