I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
