sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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