i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
She's the barista slut.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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