There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize