i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
There r osticjed everywhere
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
