I've blown a few things in my day
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
