I hate your face
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
