i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
worst night to have a conscience
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
