i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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