mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Did I show you my penis last night?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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