apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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