We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
the condom got lost in my hair
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
