While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
