in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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