I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize