The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
It's Friday. Sex?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
