I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
