thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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