that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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