FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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