Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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