I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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