Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
BRING THE BAGELS
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
