Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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