Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
