I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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