There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
