there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Blood and glitter go together right?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
