You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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