Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
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