You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
