i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
