the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
