Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
