Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize