you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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