but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
