I'm eating all of the evidence.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
