He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
