you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
soo... how was my night?
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