I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
