i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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