Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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