my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
sex in a hospital.. check
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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