garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
