If that was your dad, he is hot
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
dude i'm inner monologue high
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
