i think my mom watched the whole time
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
