when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
