I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize